Sunday, May 27, 2012

[VIDEO] Completely Poetic - Title: Glass Heart



Dear Readers, I'm trying something different today.

I've recently taken an interest in recorded readings. This piece is a remake of a series I began a couple years ago called, Completely Poetic, a darker more poetry-like series. The other series I had was called Completely Fictitious, filled with comedic shorts.

Since I couldn't upload just an audio, I had to "create" a video. The video includes timed clippings of the piece.

Anyhow, I hope you like it! It was certainly fun to record and create (and at times frustrating), but it was a creative challenge that I enjoyed.

I used the iMovie application on my iBook. If you're curious about the process, let me know.

Cheers,
Anna



Completely Poetic: Entry II – Theme: Glass Heart

I'm losing everything it seems. Today, I lose my heart. 

In the darkness of my bedroom, the loneliness begins to feed the pain, and the pain begins to feed the fear. My sobs start slow at first, until they are hard and frantic, and I am  choking from my own desperate gasps, my mouth stuck in an expression of immeasurable torment.

The weight of this new loss blows me outward, like a dynamite ignited in the hollow cave of my chest. And I retreat into the blackness of my mind where it is raining. The cold rain turns into hail, like an angry lover pounding me with his bone-crushing fists.

I welcome the cold, needing to be numb, and hoping for the strength that it will bring. I'm laying on the ground naked, resting on my side, clasping my knees like a lonely, orphaned child...waiting. Waiting for her. 

A whisper echoes through the shadows and I shudder. A voice that is my own, but not. Two blinks and I'm staring into a familiar set of dark eyes set deep in a face identical to mine.

She lays there as I do, unfazed by the hail now turned into icy pin-pricks of silver rain. I watch the drops slash across her face, dripping down her cheeks as if she too is crying. But her stoic expression reveals her true nature: she is not crying, she will never cry. She doesn’t know how to.

“Please don’t take it away…please…” I whisper, my voice carrying the weight of my need.

Dark eyes scan my face; still expressionless, still unmoved by my pain. 

Five heartbeats before she speaks, her pale lips parting. “You fool…” A thousand thunderous booms shake the night, and I press my palms over my ears until it feels like I'll crush in my skull.

Shivering harder now. Teeth chattering, my face as cold as marble. “Please…” I say again.

She shakes her head just once, her ink-black hair plastered to the sides of her pale face. “You won’t survive like this.”

“But I need it!”

Vacant eyes narrow, stabbing into my flesh swift and deep, once, twice, twenty. “You have it and yet you nearly drown in the grief it brings. It makes you weak.”

“No!”

But even as I shout, I know she is right.

“Let me and I can take away your pain,” she whispers, then more harshly, "Your attempts to sound courageous are for naught. There is no one to hear you but me. Your whimpers cannot deafen what your heart is begging from me--to help you--save you."

I shut my eyes until they hurt, feeling my body shrinking beneath the dark truth I am too much of a coward to face. I need what only her callousness can give. Peace.

Icy fingers crawl up my shoulder like long spidery limbs and I shrink back only to feel them return, ever patient, pulling me into an embrace. There is no comfort in her touch, just limbs, bones, flesh that have never known the smile and kiss of the sun, that have never felt the pulsing heat of passion. She doesn’t know what it means to comfort, only what it means to take away. And tonight I'm asking her to take away the pain. 

Her touch is like a drug, coating me with numbness. I let in what only she--the darkness--can give.

And soon, a cool emptiness fills me. Seeps into my veins, every pore, every tissue until for the first time my lungs breathe, expand, without the ache of grief.

She swallows all of it, filling in the bruises and still bleeding wounds, leaving behind a languid calmness that settles deep into my belly. The tautness of my face smoothes away to a become the face that mimics hers.

The last of the heat within me is snuffed like a weak flame; the remaining pieces of my tattered heart iced and frozen.

“There is no comfort to find in tears. There is no one there to pull you from the pit of despair should you fall. We cannot fall…” she whispers from within me.

I nod. We cannot fall. 

Exhaustion takes me then. But it is as if sleep never comes. As if the darkness consuming my subconscious, simply bleeds into the white walls of  my room. 

My mind circles around the knowledge that I shouldn't be okay, that I should be dreaming, but am not.

I forget how to cry. Forget what it feels to care…My heart is there, but not. Now it's just a hardened block of glass. And the coldness follows me, a price I must pay for my new condition.

She did what I asked, made my heart into glass, beautiful but untouchable.

Ironically it is now a heart more fragile than the one that had once pulsed with life.

So now I wait for my true heart to return. For I am a captive. A captive to this Glass Heart.  

4 comments:

  1. I like it Anna. You used your creativity to present your work and yourself in a medium that is not seen very often in blogs. (well I haven't seen it) Cool.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Michael! It was certainly fun to try. :) Hope things are going well for you!

      Cheers,
      Anna

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  2. Anna - Wow! It's a powerful medium for a powerful piece. Have you made any similar presentations to promote Violet Storm?

    Yes, I am curious about the process. I wonder if there is a program I can install on my laptop.

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    1. Hey Joseph,

      Glad you enjoyed it, and thank you! I'm considering making similar videos, just working on more content at this time. I AM interested in doing a video for Violet Storm, but I'd like to incorporate some images or action with it (which will take a lot of time to create). But I'm hoping to have more time this summer to work on a bigger project like that.

      As for the application, if you have a Mac, I believe iMovie comes standard. The hardest part was figuring out how to use what limited free media they give you. What you see in this video is actually a series of title snapshots shortened and lengthened (which I manipulated based on the audio). I embedded the audio to the movie and voila...I had to work the kinks out in each title, which wasn't as good as I'd hoped it to be. But it was a nice practice run! Now I know how to do it and the next one will be even better.

      If you don't have a Mac, I think you can find a similar media for your PC/Linux on google (They actually might have it available for PC, see here: https://www.google.com/search?rlz=1C1MEBB_enUS414US414&aq=1&oq=iMovie+&sugexp=chrome,mod=2&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&q=imovie+for+pc).
      I'm sure there are some pretty decent applications out there that are available for free. But honestly, this was an easy medium for me and I enjoyed it, once I got the hang of it.

      Let me know how it goes. :)
      Anna

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