Friday, August 2, 2013

Happiness Inside

The title of this blog came from the coconut water I drink at work. It promises happiness in a large aluminum can. It's a pretty big promise.

Or maybe not.

It's Friday, which means it's doughnut day in the office. As I did my Firebird pose on my yoga mat this morning and grumbled through the breathing exercises, I told myself that I wouldn't have any doughnuts. It wouldn't be hard not to. Considering I've been working here for almost a year and maybe partook in Friday doughnuts twice in all that time.

So I walked into the office, enjoying a delicious chocolate shake to supplement the short yoga "workout" I did (in quotes because I don't know if lying down on a yoga mat, and maybe flopping around a little, counts as a workout). Nope, definitely not having a doughnut, I thought confidently. After all, the doughnuts were in a completely different building a block away. Easy.

Half an hour later. I'm obsessed with doughnuts. I mean, I can't get these damn doughnuts out of my head. I decide to just walk over and see what doughnuts they might have. I mean, maybe they might have doughnuts that are gluten-free...sugar-free...calorie free. Whatever. Maybe someone invented doughnuts made of clouds and just never told me.

I barely remember selecting a variety of donuts. What I do remember is opening my to-go box full of doughnuts and realizing, holy shit, you grabbed four doughnuts? My colleagues weren't in yet, and I started hoping people would come in soon so I could share. I mean, damn, I grabbed a to-go box for doughnuts. Who does that? I couldn't grab a napkin and decide that one would be just fine? I guess my subconscious was feeling pretty rebellious. 

I'm happy to say that I ate only two. Unless you count the doughnut holes, which I don't. So I guess if you count by pieces, I had something closer to six. Whatever. I had dipped the doughnuts in my coffee, licked my fingers, my lips, and giggled from the taste of sugar coating my tongue and teeth. When the short moment of bliss was over I kept my smile. Take that, I said to my inner self. Nobody tells Anna she can't have doughnuts.

Every day I hear interesting stories, and I'm awakened to the intricacies of the lives of the people I'm surrounded by. My colleagues, my friends, my own family. I look at myself and see all that makes me a complex human being. All the inner dialogue, the inner conflict, and minute by minute battles. Do this. Eat that. Don't do this. Definitely don't eat that. Sometimes all these thoughts, rules, limitations, what-have-you, do nothing but make us miserable.

Happiness is inside a can of coconut water. It's in a bite or maybe several bites of doughnuts. Happiness is living without so many damn rules. Happiness is loving yourself for all that you are. Happiness is feeding yourself, enriching your mind, challenging your body, leaping over the line of your comfort zone, and everything in between and beyond. I hate working out. I do it because I like to eat, and because I eat as much as a full-grown man and have to burn off the excess calories. So I don't deprive myself of doughnuts, and I don't get pissed if I black out and wake up from a doughnut-induced coma. I laugh at my silliness, at the silliness of others, and I realize that finding happiness is truly as simple as that. It doesn't have to always be something grand--some monumental moment that makes you cry with joy. It's in the little things.

Hope you had a moment today where you had the chance to find happiness, especially in the simplest of things. If not, the day's not over yet. Go grab a box of doughnuts on your way home tonight. :)

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