|On our way to Hicklebee's to drop off some books!|
I've been in a writing funk.
Cue the violins.
Maybe it's the weather. Unlike a few of my blogger friends across the midwest and east coast, I'm dealing with balmy California sunshine. The kind of weather that makes you venture to your window, fan your sweat-dampened neck, and guzzle ice cold drinks, smiling at the vision of beaches, BBQ, and fun under the sun.
I've had a lot to think about the past couple of months leading up to the launch and the month after. All this marketing and publishing, It's agonizing work. Thrilling and draining all at the same time. I wouldn't have believed the amount of work it took had you personally handed me a detailed list. There's nothing like tackling it all and coming out having survived. It's just the beginning.
And I think that's what scares me the most.
So instead of writing the next book in the trilogy or finishing the other novel I had intended to release by the end of this year, I'm weighed down by a fog no amount of human strength can dissipate. I can wave my arms around all I want, blow as long and hard as I could, and the fog isn't going anywhere. I'll only end up light-headed and looking like a crazy person. I have a feeling it's something that has to lift on its own.
I read a quote the other day that had me questioning my ambition to be a novelist. Questioning, you ask? Yeah, I still question it all the time. Sure, I've written a book. I've written three, published one, working on another, and have promised to write more. How much more ambition do I need? But it's the fear that maybe that was all I had in me to give: that one book. That maybe I had touched a scorching oven and now have the knowledge of just how 'effing hot it was.
I know. I know. Damn violins again.
But back to the quote, or rather the question that burns above all else.
"Must I write?"
Regardless of the fears, the availing and relentless insecure writer within, I am quite literally unable to stop writing. It may take weeks of a long hiatus, but it's there, it will always be there. As much a part of me as any other part of my body. It's the spiritual extension that tethers me to our creator and to the earth.
I live a fast life, constantly filled with some form of work. Wasted hours make me feel guilty. The guilt builds up and I'm heavy with the burden that refuses to be lifted. That's a part of the problem. I worry too much. And I certainly think too much.
Thankfully, I'm surrounded by a lot of people who love me and won't ever let me forget it. I have nothing to fear of a future that hasn't happened yet nor may never happen. I just have to keep on doing what I enjoy and love most, and let all other things go.
So here's me throwing in the towel. Subjecting to the unused, unproductive hours, and just have fun again.
I've accomplished my dream: published a book that sits on the shelves of many peoples homes, held open in the hands of many readers, and only recently, sits waiting to be sold in an actual bookstore. I suppose what scares me the most is that like any book or movie series the stakes are now higher, the bad guys are scarier, and the inner demons are much more toxic. Things may get more complex from here.
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VS News: We've sold over 150 books! Thank you so much for all your help in spreading the word. Keep on sharing the book with your friends and family. You are seriously my champion!
Events News: We're headed to Lathrop, CA this weekend. Nearby? Stop on over at 6pm, Saturday, May 3rd. We're expecting a big crowd and I can only be grateful to my parents for setting it all up and working so hard to get everyone together.