Wednesday, June 18, 2014

It's my Birthday & I Want to Travel Back in Time

Birthday dinner at Medieval Times!
I've been away for some time, hiding from the small limelight created by the release of my novel. I've spent the days recuperating, learning, and biding my time for more things to come. I've sent VIOLET STORM off to San Francisco Book Reviews and Publishers Weekly to get their honest reviews. Depending on how they turn out, I'll use them in various media to help relaunch my marketing efforts come mid-July. Woohoo!

My birthday was two weeks ago, and the event felt like I was being catapulted into a new reality. The first moments of the last year of my twenties...One or two panic attacks later, I found myself reminiscing on old ambitions and dreams. I thought of the past and all the things I would alter if I had the chance to go back. When and what age, you ask? I thought about the period that I could affect the most change: high school. Definitely high school. Shivers.

My version of time travel included the ability to bring back one piece of luggage filled with things I needed to help me change the future. Hey, it's my time traveling dream, I can bring whatever I want! The first thing I thought of was my hair straightener (no more bad high school photos), and all the little gadgets I could no longer live without, my laptop, favorite books, makeup, my favorite push-up bra, shoes, and yes, acne products (because puberty--gah!), and of course, my manuscript. I wanted to alter the paths I'd taken so that I'd find my way to becoming a novelist earlier in my life. I could see the person I wanted to be: I'd have been a better student, a more patient daughter, a more attentive granddaughter. I'd have stopped flirting with fire and saved myself the heartaches, and accepted that I was not going to grow any taller and that my boobs would meet the same sad fate. 

I wondered what would have happened if I'd majored in English Lit instead of Business, maybe even pursued my masters. I dreamed of being more focused in my earlier years, and perhaps breaking a few less hearts. Including my own.

See us in the back? On point with our personalities...
But no matter what, there were great moments that I loved and couldn't part with: my traveling adventures, my career and the jobs I'd had, and the life-long friends I'd made. One of the most important moments in my life was when I met Kyle. And I wouldn't trade anything to lose that life-altering event. Everything up to that point: good, bad, and definitely ugly, was meant to mold me to become the woman I was at that moment, placed on the path I needed to be, and to prepare me for the adventures I was going to have. If I'd gone back in time and changed the course of my life, I wondered how I would search for Kyle and if I would risk the chance that he'd be with someone else and completely out of my reach. 

That ended my time traveling fantasy. I've got to live with the choices I've made, and accept me for who I am--just as I am. And like the ratty pages of an old journal, I closed those ugly chapters of my life and decided I had plenty more to write about. I needed to stop reliving those dark memories, and start filling in the blank pages of the new life I now have. 

Hardship builds knowledge. It opens us up and challenges us to the point of breaking so that we can appreciate who we've become and all that we've overcome. 

I look at everything I have to today--pushing away all the lingering anger and shadows of my past--and I embrace the present.

I am twenty-nine.

One year closer to being thirty, flirty, and thriving (get the reference?). I may not have reached some of the goals I wanted to have achieved at this age, but I am happy. And that is all that matters.

To all of you, I wish you a happy dreaming and thank you for all the birthday wishes!