Wednesday, June 18, 2014

It's my Birthday & I Want to Travel Back in Time

Birthday dinner at Medieval Times!
I've been away for some time, hiding from the small limelight created by the release of my novel. I've spent the days recuperating, learning, and biding my time for more things to come. I've sent VIOLET STORM off to San Francisco Book Reviews and Publishers Weekly to get their honest reviews. Depending on how they turn out, I'll use them in various media to help relaunch my marketing efforts come mid-July. Woohoo!

My birthday was two weeks ago, and the event felt like I was being catapulted into a new reality. The first moments of the last year of my twenties...One or two panic attacks later, I found myself reminiscing on old ambitions and dreams. I thought of the past and all the things I would alter if I had the chance to go back. When and what age, you ask? I thought about the period that I could affect the most change: high school. Definitely high school. Shivers.

My version of time travel included the ability to bring back one piece of luggage filled with things I needed to help me change the future. Hey, it's my time traveling dream, I can bring whatever I want! The first thing I thought of was my hair straightener (no more bad high school photos), and all the little gadgets I could no longer live without, my laptop, favorite books, makeup, my favorite push-up bra, shoes, and yes, acne products (because puberty--gah!), and of course, my manuscript. I wanted to alter the paths I'd taken so that I'd find my way to becoming a novelist earlier in my life. I could see the person I wanted to be: I'd have been a better student, a more patient daughter, a more attentive granddaughter. I'd have stopped flirting with fire and saved myself the heartaches, and accepted that I was not going to grow any taller and that my boobs would meet the same sad fate. 

I wondered what would have happened if I'd majored in English Lit instead of Business, maybe even pursued my masters. I dreamed of being more focused in my earlier years, and perhaps breaking a few less hearts. Including my own.

See us in the back? On point with our personalities...
But no matter what, there were great moments that I loved and couldn't part with: my traveling adventures, my career and the jobs I'd had, and the life-long friends I'd made. One of the most important moments in my life was when I met Kyle. And I wouldn't trade anything to lose that life-altering event. Everything up to that point: good, bad, and definitely ugly, was meant to mold me to become the woman I was at that moment, placed on the path I needed to be, and to prepare me for the adventures I was going to have. If I'd gone back in time and changed the course of my life, I wondered how I would search for Kyle and if I would risk the chance that he'd be with someone else and completely out of my reach. 

That ended my time traveling fantasy. I've got to live with the choices I've made, and accept me for who I am--just as I am. And like the ratty pages of an old journal, I closed those ugly chapters of my life and decided I had plenty more to write about. I needed to stop reliving those dark memories, and start filling in the blank pages of the new life I now have. 


Hardship builds knowledge. It opens us up and challenges us to the point of breaking so that we can appreciate who we've become and all that we've overcome. 


I look at everything I have to today--pushing away all the lingering anger and shadows of my past--and I embrace the present.


I am twenty-nine.

One year closer to being thirty, flirty, and thriving (get the reference?). I may not have reached some of the goals I wanted to have achieved at this age, but I am happy. And that is all that matters.


To all of you, I wish you a happy dreaming and thank you for all the birthday wishes!

~A




19 comments:

  1. I loved this! Anna, I'm three years behind you (turning 27 this year sept) so I totally understand your feels.
    Just be super duper happy that there is no shelf life for writers, only great words.I hope those reviews work out for you.

    GOOD LUCK !!

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    1. Thank you Shay! :) Oooh, 27 was my toughest year, but it was a year filled with growth and discovery!

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  2. Great write-up! Writing is a talent, and it must not be wasted. As with everything that we had been entrusted, we should

    let it grow and share it with the world.> self

    improvement tips

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    1. I absolutely, agree with you Monir! :) And thank you for the link.

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  3. You two are adorable! Wonderful post. And thirty isn't too bad (well, yet, at least, haha!). Hope this year is full of amazing things, not the least of which is the reviews!!

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    1. You are so sweet! Thank you, Meradeth. I'll keep you posted the reviews. Definitely crossing my fingers they turn out all right and I can use some part of it. :)

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  4. I've been missing you! =) Good to hear from you again- and Happy Birthday! I'll be thirty on the 23rd, and whenever I get a little 'wiggy' about it, I remind myself of this quote(paraphrasing a bit): 'Don't regret growing older, it's a privilege denied to many.' And you guys are such an adorable couple. =)

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    1. Aww thank you Leandra! That is a fantastic quote. I'll be writing that one down! I like the term "wiggy"--that's exactly what I was feeling on my birthday. Hah! And happy early birthday!! :)

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  5. "Hardship builds knowledge. It opens us up and challenges us to the point of breaking so that we can appreciate who we've become and all that we've overcome."

    This is so beautiful, so true, and so at the forefront of my mind this week. It's been a hard week, very hard, and I've been trying to remind myself that it's going to make me stronger. This post came at the exact right time - thank you, Anna, and a very heartfelt Happy Birthday :)

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    1. I'm sorry to hear you've had a hard week. It will absolutely pass and make you stronger. Thank you for the kind words and for the birthday wishes! Sending you good juju to help you this week! :)

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  6. Yay Disneyland! If it makes you feel better, my 30s were the best years of my lives until my 40s! It just gets better. The 20s are exciting but so filled with uncertainty as you figure out who you are and what you're going to do for the rest of your life. These are the years when people usually start their careers, get married/settle down, decide whether to have children... By your 30s, you're on your way to what you decided in your 30s and your 40s are spent enjoying the fruits of all that hard work! Just an old person's perspective!

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    1. Stephanie, one of my best friends is in her mid-thirties and she swears it's the best years of her life. Thank you for the encouraging words. I agree with you that our twenties are exciting but filled with so much uncertainty. At this point, I feel like I'm finally walking in the right direction! I'm VERY excited to see what my thirties holds. ;)

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  7. Happy (late) birthday!

    Our past makes us who we are. While I wish I would have been smarter, wasted less time, not done a few things etc, I don't want to go back and change it. That would change the lessons I learned, that would change who I am. And while there's room for improvement, I'm proud of who I'm turning into.

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    1. I completely agree with you! There's definitely pride in the people we've become. :)

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  8. I'm so late on my blog-rounds. Hope you had a great birthday. I'm determined not to look back on my life with regret but know that everything-- the gifts and the owies in life-- made me who I am today. Like you I have a birthday coming up, only this one will bring one decade to a close and open another. I will embrace it and life and look forward with delight! Go us. :)

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    1. Thanks Julie! :) I had one of the most memorable and happiest birthdays. Sounds like your birthday coming up is also one that will stand out amongst the others. Happy early birthday. :) Go us, indeed!

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  9. Time travel is not a bad birthday wish. May you be flooded by memories. Happy birthday! :)

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  10. Aw. Happy birthday! You know, it's a woman's prerogative to never age a day after turning twenty-nine. You do know that right? You are perpetually 29 forever. (Me too.)

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  11. I've been 29 a long time now. I hope you had a great birthday, and good luck on those reviews! I hope they come back great.
    Deb@ http://debioneille.blogspot.com

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